Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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