I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
