Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
