Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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