I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
