I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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