why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
