I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
