ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
