do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
