My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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