So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
