he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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