Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
