I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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