marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
