fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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