Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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