Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
