I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
