is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
