well I can't set my house on fire every night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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