He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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