when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
