i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
