But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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