My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
