Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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