There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
