I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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