Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
