dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
