We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
