so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
