You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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