Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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