There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
