Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Too much gin, very little bucket
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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