she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
