My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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