I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ttyl tear gas
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize