Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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