The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
