I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
