bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
