The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
