We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
