I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
