hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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