I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
