fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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