The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
