We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
